An orphan boy named Evan (Freddie Highmore) lives in an orphanage, although he firmly believes that his parents are alive. He hears music in the everyday sounds around him, and believes that this music is his long-lost parents trying to communicate with him. One day, two older boys are bullying him for being weird, when he hears the music of the wind in the trees. Dialogue as follows:
EVAN: Can you hear the music?
BULLY 1: What are you talking about, freak?
EVAN: The music is speaking to me, can you hear it?
BULLY 2: Oooh really? What’s the music saying, freak?
EVAN: it says… “Kill”
Using a carefully choreographed blend of dance and martial arts, he gracefully beats the two bullies to death as sweet-sounding neoclassical music (performed by Yanni and/or John Tesh) plays in the background.
“The Music” tells Evan to run away from the orphanage. He does, pursued by a mysterious government agent (Terrence Howard) whose motives are unknown. In New York City, he meets a street urchin who recruits him into an underground organization of child assassins, who practice a secret martial art which integrates music, dance and violence into a beautiful performance.
Wizard (Robin Williams), the leader of the Coven, along with his assistant (Angelina Jolie) find that Evan is a prodigy, who learns their art so quickly that after only one Rocky-style training montage, his skills surpass those of all their other pupils. Evan proves his mettle when he assassinates the president of Julliard (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) who we learn in a flashback was Wizard’s uptight roommate in college, and once told Wizard that his music was whack and his hat looked silly. When the SWAT team (Samuel L. Jackson, Michelle Rodriguez, Collin Farrell and LL Cool J) corner him, Evan kills them all using the strings of a harp to shoot poisoned darts at them while playing a haunting melody. The witnesses to the crime give him a teary-eyed standing ovation as he makes his escape.
One day, “The Music” of the cars in the streets tells Evan that he should leave the Coven to search for his parents. Wizard refuses, saying “I made you everything you are! Therefore I own you and you will do what I say!”
“You’re not the boss of me!” Evan replies angrily, “My Mommy and Daddy made me, not you! I’m eleven years old now and I know where babies come from! You’re a big fat liar!” They fight, as still more pretty but forgettable music plays. Evan appears to be winning, but then all the other child assassins join in the fight, and Evan is cornered. Angelina Jolie’s character appears and unexpectedly helps Evan by curving a bullet around him to take out the child-assassin behind him who is blocking his escape. As Evan runs away, Wizard kills Angelia Jolie’s character, to whom I haven’t bothered to give a name because I can’t decide between “Lara” and “Mrs. Smith”.
Evan meets his father in the street, and they have a conversation that oozes with bittersweet dramatic irony. In fact, it’s so ironic that might think it was contrived and artificial, and if that’s the case then shame on you for being such a Grinch.
DAD: Hey there kiddo. You sure are pretty good on that guitar.
EVAN: Sometimes I hope that when I play guitar, my daddy will hear me and find me.
DAD: I know what you mean. I think I might have had a kid about your age once. If I had only gotten that girls phone number before I had sex with her, then maybe I’d know.
EVAN: I notice you’re carrying a guitar. Can I touch it?
DAD: Sure. That’s not creepy at all. Do you want to play a duet with me?
They make beautiful music together
DAD: Well, that was fun. I’ve gotta go do something else now, but it was nice meeting you. Good luck with the whole “finding your dad” thing.
EVAN: Don’t worry. The Music will lead me to him. Can you hear it?
DAD: Ummm… big gulps, huh? Well; I’ll see ya later.
Dad hurries awkwardly away.
Eventually, Evan finds out who his parents are and they live happily ever after, but not before Wizard tries to kill the parents so that he can continue to use Evan to assassinate his enemies. Evan slays Wizard and all of his minions in a climactic battle and then goes home with his parents, who learn each other’s last names so that nothing this complicated will ever happen to their family again.
